Meta definition in polyamory11/11/2023 Once you’ve wrapped your head around the idea that it’s possible and OK to have more than one intimate relationship at a time, you come across a huge monogamy-paradigm disruptor: Poly/open relationships are about sharing - especially sharing information and engaging in direct communication. They’re not usually about managing secrets or firewalling information. That’s the basic description - but the metamour concept has a ton of important implications. Metamour: A person who is in an intimate (romantic or sexual) relationship with an intimate partner of yours. Which is why we say “polyamory” and “open” in the first place: they’re positive, descriptive terms, not defined by lack or implying aberrance or judgement. If no one’s allowed to have more than one serious partner, there’s no need for a word for additional relationships.Īll the terms we have for stepping outside that norm are negative or trivializing: cheating, fooling around, messing around, playing the field, two-timing, commitment-phobic, womanizing, philandering, etc.įor polyamorous and open people, these word choices all suck. In our culture, where monogamy is a dominant paradigm (as well as a strongly held and emotionally charged common assumption and value), you’re only supposed to have “serious” intimate relationships with one person at a time. New words, even awkward or silly-sounding ones, make the most sense when you need to discuss something that isn’t supposed to exist (or at least, not be visible) in common society. Other people may use these terms in other ways, but I’m trying to be clear and consistent in this context. NOTE: This is one of a series of posts where I define how I’m using some key relationship terms in this blog. But still, I think it’s a surprisingly useful and important term… “Metamour” is an especially weird bit of poly-speak. Don’t see the vase? Only see the faces? That’s the problem I’m talking about! The “metamour” concept is like the vase in this picture.
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